Once again you offer your own fears and fragility and guide both patients and providers into ways to improve their own relationships and healthcare. 💜💜💜
Thank you for this beautiful gift
I am often an uncomfortable patient. I have rare conditions, so often I need to explain how my conditions influence the providers specialty knowledge. I also have medical PTSD going back to childhood. So I try to communicate my respect for the provider and their expertise, while also offering input that protects me as much as possible from predictable negative outcomes. Over time I have become more comfortable and confident doing this. I still find myself silenced and ignored at times. I leave those providers as soon as possible once I have these experiences.
Your response to your patients was different from my experiences with physicians, as my husband's care support person. My input whether I am providing information or am asking questions is given calmly and respectfully. However 9 out of 10 times I am dismissed or even admonished for speaking up. My husband counts on me to advocate for him, and I will continue. It is always a gamble. You value your patients. So nice.
It will continue indeed! I wish you didn't have to do so much advocating but here we are. I would say it took me a while to hold a different space for encounters like this, and I so appreciate Tracy (pseudonym) and her courage in helping me. I am sure you have helped many clinicians along the way, too. Perhaps the next time they see someone like you, they will know.
In my experience, the reason we as patients don't express discomfort is that it's met with defensiveness. I want to have a conversation because it's my body, but that can be met with a paternalistic (even though I only see women doctors where possible), 'I know best,' attitude.
The best doctors I've ever had were the ones who weren't afraid to say "I don't know - but let's find out."
I'd rather have a doctor willing to admit there are holes in their knowledge than the overconfident ones who assume med school made them experts in every single part of medicine.
I once had a serious but unusual allergic reaction to an antibiotic. It was days before it was known that's what it was. My doctor wasn't sure what was going on, and she admitted it, and then found every resource she could find to figure it out. It was terrifying - I was seeing all sorts of specialists and getting all kinds of tests. But the whole way she kept saying, "I don't know what's going on but we're going to find out. I promise you." And she did.
wow! she is a gem! "holes in their knowledge" -- its kind of a funny term. I think we don't have holes in our knowledge. We have scattered knowledge in the big black hole of unknown....
Dr. Zha, I have been a subscriber for some time. I’m not sure how I first stumbled upon your posts but the algorithm may have understood(?) how much I needed to hear the gentle wisdom you choose to share with us. Because so much toxic talk (and and so many puffed up posers) crowd the airwaves… I am very selective (especially since November fifth) about what outside information I allow to reach my eyes and ears (I spend a lot of my time reading books). Your kindness and introspection, your humility and sincere desire to understand others, is a comforting balm… soothing any frayed nerves and restoring my faith in the goodness of humanity. I appreciate you 🫂 I envy your patients, family, friends, and coworkers—they get to interact with you in person 😊. Thanks for brightening my day (it’s snowing here in western South Dakota).
Hi friend!! Thank you so much for reading my letters. You've always been so kind with your words to me and I am honored to provide some comfort. I will continue to make mistakes but knowing there are people out there who will allow me to learn and grow -- that is my comforting balm!!
Together we can continue to nourish our kind, loving, understanding hearts… Then with our kind, loving, understanding hearts may we grow secure enough to be deeply vulnerable 🫂 our world can use more compassion.
I am admittedly an uncomfortable patient. Power dynamics in medicine are influenced by so many things, including gender, race, culture, economic status of patient vs medical provider--you name it, it can influence the equation. As a nurse, I do know and understand the "lingo," those without insiders knowledge has another barrier to contend with. When I meet a new medical provider these days, I tell them up front I have trust issues that have nothing to do with them as individuals. Has it helped? With some physicians, yes, and I settle in and develop a much healthier relationship. With others? No, my up front acknowledgement creates another barrier.
perhaps that upfront statement in itself acts like a good filter for you to choose the right clinician! the only problem is many of us act as gateways to care, and filtering anyone would post a risk of that gateway being put up
Oh my gosh you are just the best! Your self-awareness is a lifeline. I'm glad there are people like you in the world, and you're out there caring for us, and then sharing with us. That is really beautiful.
I am grateful to have come across your writing. As yet another human who struggles with feeling heard/seen in medial appointments, it is so good to know that there are those of you out there trying to make us, as patients, feel more comfortable. Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading! I think there are many of us, actually, I know there are many of us -- far from perfect far from enough for sure -- but we are here!!
Ahh, yes, I remember from med school. If a patient asks “how many times have you done this procedure?” Answer: “You’d be amazed.” Or “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this.”
Once again you offer your own fears and fragility and guide both patients and providers into ways to improve their own relationships and healthcare. 💜💜💜
Thank you for this beautiful gift
I am often an uncomfortable patient. I have rare conditions, so often I need to explain how my conditions influence the providers specialty knowledge. I also have medical PTSD going back to childhood. So I try to communicate my respect for the provider and their expertise, while also offering input that protects me as much as possible from predictable negative outcomes. Over time I have become more comfortable and confident doing this. I still find myself silenced and ignored at times. I leave those providers as soon as possible once I have these experiences.
what a skillset you had to master!
Your response to your patients was different from my experiences with physicians, as my husband's care support person. My input whether I am providing information or am asking questions is given calmly and respectfully. However 9 out of 10 times I am dismissed or even admonished for speaking up. My husband counts on me to advocate for him, and I will continue. It is always a gamble. You value your patients. So nice.
It will continue indeed! I wish you didn't have to do so much advocating but here we are. I would say it took me a while to hold a different space for encounters like this, and I so appreciate Tracy (pseudonym) and her courage in helping me. I am sure you have helped many clinicians along the way, too. Perhaps the next time they see someone like you, they will know.
In my experience, the reason we as patients don't express discomfort is that it's met with defensiveness. I want to have a conversation because it's my body, but that can be met with a paternalistic (even though I only see women doctors where possible), 'I know best,' attitude.
women doctors wont escape the toxic paternalism unless women start to author medicine and medical education! we are (hopefully) getting there!
The best doctors I've ever had were the ones who weren't afraid to say "I don't know - but let's find out."
I'd rather have a doctor willing to admit there are holes in their knowledge than the overconfident ones who assume med school made them experts in every single part of medicine.
I once had a serious but unusual allergic reaction to an antibiotic. It was days before it was known that's what it was. My doctor wasn't sure what was going on, and she admitted it, and then found every resource she could find to figure it out. It was terrifying - I was seeing all sorts of specialists and getting all kinds of tests. But the whole way she kept saying, "I don't know what's going on but we're going to find out. I promise you." And she did.
wow! she is a gem! "holes in their knowledge" -- its kind of a funny term. I think we don't have holes in our knowledge. We have scattered knowledge in the big black hole of unknown....
Dr. Zha, I have been a subscriber for some time. I’m not sure how I first stumbled upon your posts but the algorithm may have understood(?) how much I needed to hear the gentle wisdom you choose to share with us. Because so much toxic talk (and and so many puffed up posers) crowd the airwaves… I am very selective (especially since November fifth) about what outside information I allow to reach my eyes and ears (I spend a lot of my time reading books). Your kindness and introspection, your humility and sincere desire to understand others, is a comforting balm… soothing any frayed nerves and restoring my faith in the goodness of humanity. I appreciate you 🫂 I envy your patients, family, friends, and coworkers—they get to interact with you in person 😊. Thanks for brightening my day (it’s snowing here in western South Dakota).
Hi friend!! Thank you so much for reading my letters. You've always been so kind with your words to me and I am honored to provide some comfort. I will continue to make mistakes but knowing there are people out there who will allow me to learn and grow -- that is my comforting balm!!
Yes, I am in total agreement with you!
Together we can continue to nourish our kind, loving, understanding hearts… Then with our kind, loving, understanding hearts may we grow secure enough to be deeply vulnerable 🫂 our world can use more compassion.
I am admittedly an uncomfortable patient. Power dynamics in medicine are influenced by so many things, including gender, race, culture, economic status of patient vs medical provider--you name it, it can influence the equation. As a nurse, I do know and understand the "lingo," those without insiders knowledge has another barrier to contend with. When I meet a new medical provider these days, I tell them up front I have trust issues that have nothing to do with them as individuals. Has it helped? With some physicians, yes, and I settle in and develop a much healthier relationship. With others? No, my up front acknowledgement creates another barrier.
perhaps that upfront statement in itself acts like a good filter for you to choose the right clinician! the only problem is many of us act as gateways to care, and filtering anyone would post a risk of that gateway being put up
It's worth the risk. 😊
Oh my gosh you are just the best! Your self-awareness is a lifeline. I'm glad there are people like you in the world, and you're out there caring for us, and then sharing with us. That is really beautiful.
Thank you for reading!! <3
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Communication is key...
I am grateful to have come across your writing. As yet another human who struggles with feeling heard/seen in medial appointments, it is so good to know that there are those of you out there trying to make us, as patients, feel more comfortable. Thank you.
Thank you so much for reading! I think there are many of us, actually, I know there are many of us -- far from perfect far from enough for sure -- but we are here!!
Thank you for your courage in sharing those stories. They are great learning experiences for everyone in almost any situation.
Thank you! It's only fair I meet my patients' courage by being a little courageous!
Ahh, yes, I remember from med school. If a patient asks “how many times have you done this procedure?” Answer: “You’d be amazed.” Or “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this.”
omg tell me more about how this conversation went please!!
Loved this, but will have to come back later and check out other comments.