At times I’ve become so disillusioned and frustrated by doctors who don’t listen and don’t believe me that I’ve wondered whether I should stop going to the doctor.
I had an ER doctor tell me that maybe I misremembered my hysterectomy, that maybe I’d *really* had kidney stones or a bladder infection instead.
This resulted in him administering a pregnancy test using reserved blood without my consent after I’d refused a urine test multiple times. And he didn’t understand my anger — or why I would accuse him of not believing me (he said “women just don’t know what happens to their bodies”).
At some point in the conversation he also asked me what I did for a living and how much education I had, as if my memory depended on whether I’d graduated from college.
Agree. Been hurt by modern medicine too many times to think practicing being a defensive patient isn't necessary.
Last time i was hospitalized for 6 days because prescribed bp drug, hydralazine, gifted me with acute hepatitis. Doctors insisted i had malaria because i had been in South Africa in a coastal area where malaria is NOT ENDEMIC.
I had to beg doctors to read PDR for the drug carries acute hepatitus as an adverse reaction. So..
As my multiple malaria blood draws all had negative results, and my liver values rose near my 700s, i was forced to BEG them to read PDR. I almost died
My children were so fortunate to have this wonderful pediatrician that truly listened. All of my middle daughter's pediatric specialists were also listener's. Unfortunately, for us when she transitioned to adult PCP and Specialist we were left with only one specialist that was a true listener; the other's were gaslighters that set up the perfect storm for her death.
I've had the same doctor for over 30 years. She's an excellent physician, and a compassionate person. But even she used to tell me to lose weight at every annual visit.
I would outline my diet and fitness activities to her. She would suggest more exercise. I worked full time and had a family to care for.
Every year I would start to get anxious a couple of weeks before my appointment. I was sure she thought I was lying to her, that she thought I was eating pounds of chocolate and watching tv for hours on end.
Two years ago, when we got to this topic, she said, "it's probably just your metabolism."
What changed? The way the medical community understood metabolism.
That was great, and I appreciated it, but that was 30 years of additional stress I didn't need to suffer.
This was another excellent post, but I'd like to add age to the medical gaslighting list. Lucky for me, my own doctor is a few years older than I am;)
Currently living this Kafkaesque nightmare as a disabled First Responder. Oddly, I knew my medical stuff when I was working but as soon as insurance becomes involved, they treat me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m down to 88 pounds and dropping but that’s “my fault.” 🤷♀️
Thank you for sharing the story and your point of view on gaslighting. I really love your observations and thoughts on how healthcare should emphasize the care part as much as the health part of the word. I agree 100% on every point. I just published a chapter on the difference between being gaslighted, dismissed, and ignored and ways to make it stop as a patient. I'm forwarding your substack to a dear friend, Mark Graber MD, who was the original founder of the Society to Improve Diagnosis in Medicine. Sadly, it closed after he had stepped down so he has created a new one called the Community to Improve Diagnosis in Medicine. They are aligned with groups like patients for patient safety, the codex, and PPDCE. He's featuring my Substack on his patient facing section and I think he should feature yours on his physician facing page. That's my recommendation anyway.
Parent of a young person with neurodivergent and complex health needs here - only now starting to understand how neurodivergence can be at the core of many health conditions and how little of this is mainstream medical knowledge! My child was gaslit from pillar to post pre-diagnosis and to my shame, I bought into to that narrative too at first. We are now making up for lost time and by god but I’m fiercely at their corner, modelling how to ask difficult questions and how to challenge someone who believes they are an expert of another person’s lived experience. Thank you for your writing - it is so valuable and empowering.
Dr. Zha, I really admire your compassion in caring for your patients. It's a quality that's far more important than being a walking medical encyclopedia.
The statement, "The secret to patient care is caring about the patient," is attributed to Dr. Francis W. Peabody. This is how he began his lectures to Harvard's medical students in 1927, by emphasizing the importance of genuine compassion and empathy.
At times I’ve become so disillusioned and frustrated by doctors who don’t listen and don’t believe me that I’ve wondered whether I should stop going to the doctor.
I had an ER doctor tell me that maybe I misremembered my hysterectomy, that maybe I’d *really* had kidney stones or a bladder infection instead.
This resulted in him administering a pregnancy test using reserved blood without my consent after I’d refused a urine test multiple times. And he didn’t understand my anger — or why I would accuse him of not believing me (he said “women just don’t know what happens to their bodies”).
At some point in the conversation he also asked me what I did for a living and how much education I had, as if my memory depended on whether I’d graduated from college.
(BTW, I was in the ER for a finger infection.)
Agree. Been hurt by modern medicine too many times to think practicing being a defensive patient isn't necessary.
Last time i was hospitalized for 6 days because prescribed bp drug, hydralazine, gifted me with acute hepatitis. Doctors insisted i had malaria because i had been in South Africa in a coastal area where malaria is NOT ENDEMIC.
I had to beg doctors to read PDR for the drug carries acute hepatitus as an adverse reaction. So..
As my multiple malaria blood draws all had negative results, and my liver values rose near my 700s, i was forced to BEG them to read PDR. I almost died
My children were so fortunate to have this wonderful pediatrician that truly listened. All of my middle daughter's pediatric specialists were also listener's. Unfortunately, for us when she transitioned to adult PCP and Specialist we were left with only one specialist that was a true listener; the other's were gaslighters that set up the perfect storm for her death.
Your patients are so fortunate to have you.
I've had the same doctor for over 30 years. She's an excellent physician, and a compassionate person. But even she used to tell me to lose weight at every annual visit.
I would outline my diet and fitness activities to her. She would suggest more exercise. I worked full time and had a family to care for.
Every year I would start to get anxious a couple of weeks before my appointment. I was sure she thought I was lying to her, that she thought I was eating pounds of chocolate and watching tv for hours on end.
Two years ago, when we got to this topic, she said, "it's probably just your metabolism."
What changed? The way the medical community understood metabolism.
That was great, and I appreciated it, but that was 30 years of additional stress I didn't need to suffer.
This was another excellent post, but I'd like to add age to the medical gaslighting list. Lucky for me, my own doctor is a few years older than I am;)
Currently living this Kafkaesque nightmare as a disabled First Responder. Oddly, I knew my medical stuff when I was working but as soon as insurance becomes involved, they treat me like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I’m down to 88 pounds and dropping but that’s “my fault.” 🤷♀️
Thank you for sharing the story and your point of view on gaslighting. I really love your observations and thoughts on how healthcare should emphasize the care part as much as the health part of the word. I agree 100% on every point. I just published a chapter on the difference between being gaslighted, dismissed, and ignored and ways to make it stop as a patient. I'm forwarding your substack to a dear friend, Mark Graber MD, who was the original founder of the Society to Improve Diagnosis in Medicine. Sadly, it closed after he had stepped down so he has created a new one called the Community to Improve Diagnosis in Medicine. They are aligned with groups like patients for patient safety, the codex, and PPDCE. He's featuring my Substack on his patient facing section and I think he should feature yours on his physician facing page. That's my recommendation anyway.
Parent of a young person with neurodivergent and complex health needs here - only now starting to understand how neurodivergence can be at the core of many health conditions and how little of this is mainstream medical knowledge! My child was gaslit from pillar to post pre-diagnosis and to my shame, I bought into to that narrative too at first. We are now making up for lost time and by god but I’m fiercely at their corner, modelling how to ask difficult questions and how to challenge someone who believes they are an expert of another person’s lived experience. Thank you for your writing - it is so valuable and empowering.
Dr. Zha, I really admire your compassion in caring for your patients. It's a quality that's far more important than being a walking medical encyclopedia.
The statement, "The secret to patient care is caring about the patient," is attributed to Dr. Francis W. Peabody. This is how he began his lectures to Harvard's medical students in 1927, by emphasizing the importance of genuine compassion and empathy.
You are such a credit to your profession. 💚☘️