your stories and transparency always heal a little piece inside of me. i cry every time 🥹 thank you for increasing the beauty and goodness in this world.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing with me how you feel! "Increasing the beauty and goodness in this world" is literally one of the best things someone has ever said about my writing!!
What a beautiful, tender, and honest remembrance, Zed. You and Lynn are to be commended for helping your parents navigate this often cruel place known as the USA. My grandparents were immigrants and we Americans need to remember the many struggles immigrant families faced yesterday and today. Thanks for sharing this.
Hi Zed, did anyone ever tell you that besides being a great, empathetic physician, you are also an exceptional writer? I bet you have heard this before, but I just want to let you know how I feel. As my parents' life-long interpreter, I totally get what you were trying to convey in this heartwrenching/heartwarming essay. I have felt the same anger, too, when I was tending to my father by his sick bed while he received chemotherapy. I got angry at the nurses and doctors every day for neglecting his needs and causing his blood pressure to drop to a life-threatening level (too much morphine). Eventually he did die of medical negligence/malpractice but I and mom were too scared to speak up right after the fatal error for fear of retaliation. It was more than a decade ago and the COVID-related Asian hate wasn't in the picture. Still, people with limited English speaking ability are in very vulnerable situations. I learned that fact intimately while working as a Cantonese-English medical interpreter during the pandemic, and got angry on behalf of the people I interpreted for. I am so angry at the bigoted physician who administered tests to your parents. Your story about the "bathhouse adventures" really touched me deeply. Please keep telling your stories and your perspective as an immigrant daughter. The world needs to hear more of these. 💕
Thank you so much for the lovely note, Lily. I am so sorry to hear about your father's death. I hope you take comfort in the fact he had your advocacy. I wish you didn't have to carry that burden. I think more than the angry daughters of immigrants and lifelong interpreters, we also share a sense of justice that has made us the patient advocates we are. As long as one person's family is treated like this, all of us will remain in the fight. <3
Thank you for your kind words. I tried to do my best, but there were so many things beyond my control. I've learned to accept what happened as fate, and to live with the regrets. You're right about the sense of justice that we immigrant daughters feel. The injustice will probably never end, but this fight will always remain worthwhile.
Zed, You are so talented. That transition, when we begin to parent our parents, is something was needed to discuss more. My mother (86) had a traumatic experience in rehab two years ago. I still am grateful to the nurse manager who was honest with me, who apologized to me, and who validated our experience. She said, “I would feel the same if this were my mother.”
Your love for your parents shine throughout your writing. And that moment of recognition between two daughters trying to protect their parents... so special!
Hubs and I are aging and are noticing our kids are often making suggestions that are a polite way of telling us what to do. This often happens when we are dithering making a decision. Because we know they love us we’ve never taken offense at it.
What a beautiful, poignant and rich story. I can relate to the experience of being one’s parents advocate and ultimately caretaker, under less than kind and often hostile circumstances. My parents migrated here decades ago and faced challenges with the healthcare system and unkind providers, but the timing made it less blatant than what you had to face. After so long ago when mine arrived to now when yours have, and as revealed in the story of your patient, it’s shameful that the care in healthcare still falls short. That it’s even punitive to so-called foreigners. Sadly, it may get worse in the coming months or years. Thank you for bringing these issues to light and for caring!
You're a good story teller. Your words took me back to your bath house story. What a wonderful mother to make it an adventure. I felt when you connected to the the Hispanic daughter. You were and are her. I'm glad you talked to the physician that didn't do the job right. Whether it's protocol or not. It was right and should be policy despite legal issues.
I love reading your humble and brilliant observations about life, simple yet profound. Our mom immigrated to USA in 1950 and my father's side in the 1920s. How did we get to so much hated toward immigrants today? We are all humans living on the same planet. I long for the day when we all have easy access to clean water, food and healthcare. Thank you for being you. Aloha to your sweet family and enjoy every moment in the hot tub 🌺🫶🦋
Thank you so much for the kind words and Aloha to you too! We all live under the same sky and walk on the same earth -- we will keep this sense of kinship going and whoever else sees the world that way can join us!
Oh God. This is so, so heartfelt! I relate to it on a million different levels. Don't give up on that anger. Much as I would hope there isn't much need for that parent protecting anger, I think you will. We all will, with the poison of hatred is being carpet bombed on us.
What a wonderful story of loving your parents! I had drifted away from my parents, especially my mom, during my 30s, but now we are very close. They need a new living room TV and can afford it, but I'm going to buy it for them because they won't buy it for themselves. Just so Mom and I can watch our movies together. It's one thing we do together when I've visiting or helping her recover from one of her "annual" surgeries! We do eventually reverse roles with our parents. I hate that I moved so far away, but yet I felt it necessary at the time, and I love where I live. My brother is just 25 miles or so from my parents, so he's there in case of emergencies. But, as they grow older, I feel the need to be physically with them more often. I saw these dynamics so often when I was practicing medicine, and adult children came in with their parents. Over the years, they became more and more "parental." The complexity of life, I guess. I love the story and I love the picture of your mom!
I LOVE THAT. Currently, my parents are traveling and I am secretly renovating their room and they will come home to a sparkling clean house and a new cozy room haha!
your stories and transparency always heal a little piece inside of me. i cry every time 🥹 thank you for increasing the beauty and goodness in this world.
Thank you so much for reading and sharing with me how you feel! "Increasing the beauty and goodness in this world" is literally one of the best things someone has ever said about my writing!!
what francine said.🙏🏻💕
What a beautiful, tender, and honest remembrance, Zed. You and Lynn are to be commended for helping your parents navigate this often cruel place known as the USA. My grandparents were immigrants and we Americans need to remember the many struggles immigrant families faced yesterday and today. Thanks for sharing this.
Thank you for reading Michael, and thank you for hearing what I really wanted to say.
Hi Zed, did anyone ever tell you that besides being a great, empathetic physician, you are also an exceptional writer? I bet you have heard this before, but I just want to let you know how I feel. As my parents' life-long interpreter, I totally get what you were trying to convey in this heartwrenching/heartwarming essay. I have felt the same anger, too, when I was tending to my father by his sick bed while he received chemotherapy. I got angry at the nurses and doctors every day for neglecting his needs and causing his blood pressure to drop to a life-threatening level (too much morphine). Eventually he did die of medical negligence/malpractice but I and mom were too scared to speak up right after the fatal error for fear of retaliation. It was more than a decade ago and the COVID-related Asian hate wasn't in the picture. Still, people with limited English speaking ability are in very vulnerable situations. I learned that fact intimately while working as a Cantonese-English medical interpreter during the pandemic, and got angry on behalf of the people I interpreted for. I am so angry at the bigoted physician who administered tests to your parents. Your story about the "bathhouse adventures" really touched me deeply. Please keep telling your stories and your perspective as an immigrant daughter. The world needs to hear more of these. 💕
Thank you so much for the lovely note, Lily. I am so sorry to hear about your father's death. I hope you take comfort in the fact he had your advocacy. I wish you didn't have to carry that burden. I think more than the angry daughters of immigrants and lifelong interpreters, we also share a sense of justice that has made us the patient advocates we are. As long as one person's family is treated like this, all of us will remain in the fight. <3
Thank you for your kind words. I tried to do my best, but there were so many things beyond my control. I've learned to accept what happened as fate, and to live with the regrets. You're right about the sense of justice that we immigrant daughters feel. The injustice will probably never end, but this fight will always remain worthwhile.
Zed, You are so talented. That transition, when we begin to parent our parents, is something was needed to discuss more. My mother (86) had a traumatic experience in rehab two years ago. I still am grateful to the nurse manager who was honest with me, who apologized to me, and who validated our experience. She said, “I would feel the same if this were my mother.”
Can that nurse manager teach more people in healthcare about apologies ? 😅 so important
Tears. Again. Keep writing. The world needs the gifts you offer.
Your love for your parents shine throughout your writing. And that moment of recognition between two daughters trying to protect their parents... so special!
They are lucky to have you—parents and patients. Thank you for bringing your heart to work.
Hubs and I are aging and are noticing our kids are often making suggestions that are a polite way of telling us what to do. This often happens when we are dithering making a decision. Because we know they love us we’ve never taken offense at it.
Yes they do 🥹🥹🥹🥹🩵🩵🩵
What a beautiful, poignant and rich story. I can relate to the experience of being one’s parents advocate and ultimately caretaker, under less than kind and often hostile circumstances. My parents migrated here decades ago and faced challenges with the healthcare system and unkind providers, but the timing made it less blatant than what you had to face. After so long ago when mine arrived to now when yours have, and as revealed in the story of your patient, it’s shameful that the care in healthcare still falls short. That it’s even punitive to so-called foreigners. Sadly, it may get worse in the coming months or years. Thank you for bringing these issues to light and for caring!
Thank you Jacquie! I think you are right about things getting worse. We must and we WILL brace for impact together.
You're a good story teller. Your words took me back to your bath house story. What a wonderful mother to make it an adventure. I felt when you connected to the the Hispanic daughter. You were and are her. I'm glad you talked to the physician that didn't do the job right. Whether it's protocol or not. It was right and should be policy despite legal issues.
Your parents must be proud.
Thank you for your comment about my story telling! And yes I think giving each other feedback should be the norm.
That is beautifully written! I'm a neurologist in Adelaide Australia, and your stories always make me strive to do better for my patients. Thank you!
Honored 🥹🥹🥹🩵🩵
Everything about this post is simply sublime. What an honor it is to have crossed paths with you my dear. Lovely humans like you are so very rare.
I love reading your humble and brilliant observations about life, simple yet profound. Our mom immigrated to USA in 1950 and my father's side in the 1920s. How did we get to so much hated toward immigrants today? We are all humans living on the same planet. I long for the day when we all have easy access to clean water, food and healthcare. Thank you for being you. Aloha to your sweet family and enjoy every moment in the hot tub 🌺🫶🦋
Thank you so much for the kind words and Aloha to you too! We all live under the same sky and walk on the same earth -- we will keep this sense of kinship going and whoever else sees the world that way can join us!
Beautiful ❣️
Oh God. This is so, so heartfelt! I relate to it on a million different levels. Don't give up on that anger. Much as I would hope there isn't much need for that parent protecting anger, I think you will. We all will, with the poison of hatred is being carpet bombed on us.
Take care and warm wishes.
Will hold onto the anger and make it into advocacy and compassion!!
What a wonderful story of loving your parents! I had drifted away from my parents, especially my mom, during my 30s, but now we are very close. They need a new living room TV and can afford it, but I'm going to buy it for them because they won't buy it for themselves. Just so Mom and I can watch our movies together. It's one thing we do together when I've visiting or helping her recover from one of her "annual" surgeries! We do eventually reverse roles with our parents. I hate that I moved so far away, but yet I felt it necessary at the time, and I love where I live. My brother is just 25 miles or so from my parents, so he's there in case of emergencies. But, as they grow older, I feel the need to be physically with them more often. I saw these dynamics so often when I was practicing medicine, and adult children came in with their parents. Over the years, they became more and more "parental." The complexity of life, I guess. I love the story and I love the picture of your mom!
I LOVE THAT. Currently, my parents are traveling and I am secretly renovating their room and they will come home to a sparkling clean house and a new cozy room haha!