Dr Zha, I respect you so much for your words and actions in regards to: believing & collaborating as a fellow human traveler with patients. I have experienced iatrogenic harm by many doctors of a certain specialty. Iatrogenic harm is what is not EVER “believed” not only by doctors of that specialty but any MD at all. It’s almost as if they’re too scared to “rat out” a fellow gang member.
I’ve lost complete faith in allopathic medicine. I AM believed by every other healer I see. I finally have a whole team—a personal trainer, physical therapists, chiropractor, acupuncturist and massage therapists, yogis, & rehab counselors. They believe me & are patiently working with me with incredible compassion. They treat me so respectfully! It’s actually quite sad & maddening that even I’m still surprised by their words of empathy at each & every appointment.
I still must work with MDs occasionally to get referrals to physical therapy and lab work, but I must firmly (but politely) refuse their pills & surgeries and their referrals to psychiatry. I’m frankly too scared to even consider an ER visit. As melodramatic as it may sound, I’d rather die at home to be honest.
But it’s not just me that has been harmed. My family has been. Several close friends. And many strangers. That’s the worst part—Witnessing their suffering.
I still feel like I have to fight to make sure my iatrogenically sick mother, myself and my wife are not harmed further by allopathic medicine.
When I say that, I know people think I’ve gone off the deep end. Or I’m a nut case conspiracy theorist. I sure would never dare to say that to an MD for fear they’d have me committed. I’m not joking one bit either.
I’ll probably die before my parents because of allopathic medicine where not only do they not believe you, then they harm you, then don’t believe that either but blame you AND of course still send you a bill.
So all in all, quite frankly, after 40 years of being chronically ill and in the system, I just feel USED.
I am not blaming you personally. I’m not even blaming MDs at all. I actually pity them and actually think most are really good people. They wanted to help people. It cannot have been easy becoming or being an MD!! It’s the system. It’s the culture (the root of that word is ‘cult’ btw) It’s the bullying by senior doctors to medical students & residents. It’s the administrators. It’s the insurance companies. It’s the pharmaceutical companies.
No one is either able and most are not even willing to make any changes within that culture, as far as I can see.
But I can see that YOU, Dr Zha are trying. And I thank you. Really.
It’s far too late for me & my family & friends. You threw us away. But I would really appreciate it if healthcare could become a place of healing with patients being everything and money being an afterthought for the generations after mine. I’d like to see more people at the table besides MDs. I would also like to see the patients at that table. All of them, every time.
(I dream BIG!)
Anyway, thank you for believing your patients. We all appreciate it!
Wow, LD. I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful and vulnerable comment. Your courage to share your story with me has my utmost respect. Each time I read someone' story about harms in medicine, I see myself in it in so many levels.
1. I am so glad you have a team now that you can trust. You deserve all the respect and care you receive from them. I would love to have colleagues like that. In fact, I wish I would also have a team like that when I need them. Amazing.
2. I did not feel blamed by you personally, at all! And I do not think you are a "nut case!" What I CAN'T believe is how compassionate you remain toward the medical community in your comment about the system being the problem.
"They wanted to help people. It cannot have been easy becoming or being an MD!! It’s the system. It’s the culture (the root of that word is ‘cult’ btw) It’s the bullying by senior doctors to medical students & residents. It’s the administrators. It’s the insurance companies. It’s the pharmaceutical companies."
wow
This is exactly my point, LD. I believe medicine is sick -- and we are ALL victims of it. Of course, I am not comparing your suffering to mine, not at all. But you are right, I set out to help people, most of us did. I never set out to gaslight people. But I am sure, along the way, I did that, maybe I still do, unconsciously. (Much less now that I have insight, I hope!) Doctors are the "face" of medicine, and we are the first to be blamed when things don't go well -- that's a logical thing to do for patients. The system then pins you against me, and me against you. And who REALLY benefits?
3. You mentioned "fellow human traveler" in your comment. Could you elaborate why "traveler" if you would? Thank you again.
And LD, I'd love to quote you in my writing if you are ok with it. Of course, using your pseudonym. I am not sure how yet, but what you said was powerful.
You asked if I’d elaborate on my phrase “fellow human traveler”.
Not long ago a provider told me that he didn’t see me as his patient but as his fellow human traveler. The fact that I was hit with such surprise that a provider would see me as an equal really highlighted the fact that in our society patients as well as doctors seem to have just forgotten that we are all human beings, all here doing the same thing—journeying through life wanting/needing essentially the same things—to live & to thrive.
So I strive to see the authorities— doctors, political leaders, policeman, judges, scientists…as my fellow human travelers now. As you were alluding to: Division—US against THEM—brings nothing but chaos & sickness.
Im very appreciative that you are interested in creating a new system and especially that you’re starting by listening to the most important part of the healthcare system—the patients. The only way to change a system is not from within but from without. And right now, we patients, feel like outsiders in a system we pay for—with our very lives.
I’m currently struggling with a serious health problem that my physicians are not taking seriously. Thank you for believing in your patients and for creating an environment that does not allow patients to be dismissed for causing their own suffering.
I have multiple autoimmune diseases as well as bipolar disorder. Early in my physical illnesses I was diagnosed with a "functional" neurological disorder and was told sharply by a younger woman rheumatologist (which made it even worse), "l'm sure your experience of your pain is real, but the best person to treat you is a psychiatrist." It took 3-4 years of being bedridden and FINALLY countless labs and scans becoming abnormal to finally be believed.
By that appointment I had come to really see and experience at the intersection of the sexism and patriarchal workings within medicine, especially in rheumatology and neurology (in my case). Nearly all the doctors I saw in the process of untangling my medical problems were older white men. By then, 3-4 years into my conditions progressing without many answers, sleeping 14-15 hours a day, I'd lost faith in most doctors. I had one kindly PCP pat me on the shoulder and say "we're going to get you better, kid," and that same old man ghosted me a year later. Wouldn't let me schedule with him. Didn't answer my emails. This is after he was certain I had a particular condition, but then it was ruled out. But here was a doctor who was also a woman. I had hope she wouldn't be dismissive of my complex case, that she might show some desire to help rather than write me off or send me for intrusive and painful tests, which at that point just said I had inflammation, small fiber neuropathy (sensory and autonomic), and then pass me off to another doctor. I was using a cane, unable to shower, work, drive... I took methadone for pain, and had been on high dose steroids for 2-4 years at that point--the only way I could get out of bed at all. I had hopes that she'd see me as a real person, not a "hysterical woman." By diagnosing me with some kind of vague psychological issue that would be treated by a psychiatrist, that's exactly what she did. I suspect the complexity of my condition combined with my having bipolar disorder (despite it being well-controlled) inspired her to write me off as a head case, but who knows. Most importantly I knew she was wrong.
Sorry about the late reply! (crazy week!) It sounds to me like after being a victim of medical misogyny, you had hopes for a young woman, only to found out that she felt into the same pattern of psychologizing you. Wow. You know, Emma, I wonder if I have also done that when I was fresh out of training -- because that was what I knew to do. This speaks to EXACTLY why medical education has to be changed. It's not enough to just HAVE women in medicine. Women must define medicine and teach medicine. Emma, would you be interested in guest write a newsletter for/with me on this topic? I would be so honored. <3
Also the way she said "I'm sure your EXPERIENCE of your pain is real" and then sent me to a psychiatrist... I mean that's just very different than saying "I believe you're in pain." All in all, she thought I had a mental problem cause me to perceive pain. I guess.
Dr Zha, I respect you so much for your words and actions in regards to: believing & collaborating as a fellow human traveler with patients. I have experienced iatrogenic harm by many doctors of a certain specialty. Iatrogenic harm is what is not EVER “believed” not only by doctors of that specialty but any MD at all. It’s almost as if they’re too scared to “rat out” a fellow gang member.
I’ve lost complete faith in allopathic medicine. I AM believed by every other healer I see. I finally have a whole team—a personal trainer, physical therapists, chiropractor, acupuncturist and massage therapists, yogis, & rehab counselors. They believe me & are patiently working with me with incredible compassion. They treat me so respectfully! It’s actually quite sad & maddening that even I’m still surprised by their words of empathy at each & every appointment.
I still must work with MDs occasionally to get referrals to physical therapy and lab work, but I must firmly (but politely) refuse their pills & surgeries and their referrals to psychiatry. I’m frankly too scared to even consider an ER visit. As melodramatic as it may sound, I’d rather die at home to be honest.
But it’s not just me that has been harmed. My family has been. Several close friends. And many strangers. That’s the worst part—Witnessing their suffering.
I still feel like I have to fight to make sure my iatrogenically sick mother, myself and my wife are not harmed further by allopathic medicine.
When I say that, I know people think I’ve gone off the deep end. Or I’m a nut case conspiracy theorist. I sure would never dare to say that to an MD for fear they’d have me committed. I’m not joking one bit either.
I’ll probably die before my parents because of allopathic medicine where not only do they not believe you, then they harm you, then don’t believe that either but blame you AND of course still send you a bill.
So all in all, quite frankly, after 40 years of being chronically ill and in the system, I just feel USED.
I am not blaming you personally. I’m not even blaming MDs at all. I actually pity them and actually think most are really good people. They wanted to help people. It cannot have been easy becoming or being an MD!! It’s the system. It’s the culture (the root of that word is ‘cult’ btw) It’s the bullying by senior doctors to medical students & residents. It’s the administrators. It’s the insurance companies. It’s the pharmaceutical companies.
No one is either able and most are not even willing to make any changes within that culture, as far as I can see.
But I can see that YOU, Dr Zha are trying. And I thank you. Really.
It’s far too late for me & my family & friends. You threw us away. But I would really appreciate it if healthcare could become a place of healing with patients being everything and money being an afterthought for the generations after mine. I’d like to see more people at the table besides MDs. I would also like to see the patients at that table. All of them, every time.
(I dream BIG!)
Anyway, thank you for believing your patients. We all appreciate it!
Wow, LD. I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful and vulnerable comment. Your courage to share your story with me has my utmost respect. Each time I read someone' story about harms in medicine, I see myself in it in so many levels.
1. I am so glad you have a team now that you can trust. You deserve all the respect and care you receive from them. I would love to have colleagues like that. In fact, I wish I would also have a team like that when I need them. Amazing.
2. I did not feel blamed by you personally, at all! And I do not think you are a "nut case!" What I CAN'T believe is how compassionate you remain toward the medical community in your comment about the system being the problem.
"They wanted to help people. It cannot have been easy becoming or being an MD!! It’s the system. It’s the culture (the root of that word is ‘cult’ btw) It’s the bullying by senior doctors to medical students & residents. It’s the administrators. It’s the insurance companies. It’s the pharmaceutical companies."
wow
This is exactly my point, LD. I believe medicine is sick -- and we are ALL victims of it. Of course, I am not comparing your suffering to mine, not at all. But you are right, I set out to help people, most of us did. I never set out to gaslight people. But I am sure, along the way, I did that, maybe I still do, unconsciously. (Much less now that I have insight, I hope!) Doctors are the "face" of medicine, and we are the first to be blamed when things don't go well -- that's a logical thing to do for patients. The system then pins you against me, and me against you. And who REALLY benefits?
3. You mentioned "fellow human traveler" in your comment. Could you elaborate why "traveler" if you would? Thank you again.
And LD, I'd love to quote you in my writing if you are ok with it. Of course, using your pseudonym. I am not sure how yet, but what you said was powerful.
Yes. You may quote me. If it can be helpful to patients & doctors, I would be honored
Thank you!
You asked if I’d elaborate on my phrase “fellow human traveler”.
Not long ago a provider told me that he didn’t see me as his patient but as his fellow human traveler. The fact that I was hit with such surprise that a provider would see me as an equal really highlighted the fact that in our society patients as well as doctors seem to have just forgotten that we are all human beings, all here doing the same thing—journeying through life wanting/needing essentially the same things—to live & to thrive.
So I strive to see the authorities— doctors, political leaders, policeman, judges, scientists…as my fellow human travelers now. As you were alluding to: Division—US against THEM—brings nothing but chaos & sickness.
Im very appreciative that you are interested in creating a new system and especially that you’re starting by listening to the most important part of the healthcare system—the patients. The only way to change a system is not from within but from without. And right now, we patients, feel like outsiders in a system we pay for—with our very lives.
I’m currently struggling with a serious health problem that my physicians are not taking seriously. Thank you for believing in your patients and for creating an environment that does not allow patients to be dismissed for causing their own suffering.
I have multiple autoimmune diseases as well as bipolar disorder. Early in my physical illnesses I was diagnosed with a "functional" neurological disorder and was told sharply by a younger woman rheumatologist (which made it even worse), "l'm sure your experience of your pain is real, but the best person to treat you is a psychiatrist." It took 3-4 years of being bedridden and FINALLY countless labs and scans becoming abnormal to finally be believed.
Thank you for sharing your story Emma! Can you elaborate on why the doctor bring a young woman made it worse for you?
By that appointment I had come to really see and experience at the intersection of the sexism and patriarchal workings within medicine, especially in rheumatology and neurology (in my case). Nearly all the doctors I saw in the process of untangling my medical problems were older white men. By then, 3-4 years into my conditions progressing without many answers, sleeping 14-15 hours a day, I'd lost faith in most doctors. I had one kindly PCP pat me on the shoulder and say "we're going to get you better, kid," and that same old man ghosted me a year later. Wouldn't let me schedule with him. Didn't answer my emails. This is after he was certain I had a particular condition, but then it was ruled out. But here was a doctor who was also a woman. I had hope she wouldn't be dismissive of my complex case, that she might show some desire to help rather than write me off or send me for intrusive and painful tests, which at that point just said I had inflammation, small fiber neuropathy (sensory and autonomic), and then pass me off to another doctor. I was using a cane, unable to shower, work, drive... I took methadone for pain, and had been on high dose steroids for 2-4 years at that point--the only way I could get out of bed at all. I had hopes that she'd see me as a real person, not a "hysterical woman." By diagnosing me with some kind of vague psychological issue that would be treated by a psychiatrist, that's exactly what she did. I suspect the complexity of my condition combined with my having bipolar disorder (despite it being well-controlled) inspired her to write me off as a head case, but who knows. Most importantly I knew she was wrong.
Sorry about the late reply! (crazy week!) It sounds to me like after being a victim of medical misogyny, you had hopes for a young woman, only to found out that she felt into the same pattern of psychologizing you. Wow. You know, Emma, I wonder if I have also done that when I was fresh out of training -- because that was what I knew to do. This speaks to EXACTLY why medical education has to be changed. It's not enough to just HAVE women in medicine. Women must define medicine and teach medicine. Emma, would you be interested in guest write a newsletter for/with me on this topic? I would be so honored. <3
Absolutely! I'd be thrilled and honored. Thank you 🙏
You are amazing!! Thank you. Let me email you for details. <3333
Also the way she said "I'm sure your EXPERIENCE of your pain is real" and then sent me to a psychiatrist... I mean that's just very different than saying "I believe you're in pain." All in all, she thought I had a mental problem cause me to perceive pain. I guess.